Friday, August 20, 2010

Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers

Attention Wal-Mart Shoppers:

Please be advised that there will be a mother and her four month old son shopping in our store this morning. As you see her half-sprinting through the aisles with a crazed look in her eyes, please step aside so she can get through the aisles. She is simply trying to compile all the items on her grocery list into her shopping basket in a timely manner.

Once she reaches the food section you will begin to hear loud crying and screaming coming from the green car seat she has perched in her shopping cart. Although the mother may look like she has everything under control, upon closer inspection one would notice the veins throbbing in her neck and the sweaty palms. Sympathetic looks and pleasant smiles will make her feel slightly better. Rude glares and mouths hanging open will only make her feel worse. (She really is trying to hurry.)

Please avoid the urge to approach the mother and inform her that the baby is hungry. He is not. He simply does not like grocery shopping. Also avoid the urge to peer into the little boys car seat and ooohh and ahhh at him. You are not helping and you are slowing the mother down. This is especially pertinent to people with bad breath and smell of cigarettes.

To the cashier who will be ringing up the mothers groceries; do not make idle chit chat. Keep your head down and scan as fast as you possibly can. Pretend that ringing up groceries is an Olympic sport. The mother, baby, and all Wal-Mart patrons within a hundred foot radius will appreciate you the faster you work.

Last but not least, do not reprimand the mother for not returning her shopping cart to the cart corral. She knows the quicker she gets home and takes the baby out of the car seat, the happier he will be. She will resume the courteous cart returning chore when her son is older.

Thank you!


Amber said...

Have you tried wearing him in a carrier? My kids love(d) it. Colton will even sleep in it on longer shopping trips. Very funny post by the way!

HeidiTri's said...

Oh yes! We've all been there! After this phase, comes the stage of getting out to the car to find the 5 things in the stroller that your little one swiped off the shelves and stashed under his blankie!
"Honestly, Ms. Store manager, I wasnt trying to steal that 44 DD bra!"

Kendra said...

that is great! Even when my kids aren't, by some miracle, screaming people need to keep their nasty mugs away from them.As long as I keep moving then G is fine so its like a drive by and I usually end up knocking 10 cans down. I've been known to kick them out of the way on a deserted aisle. shhhhhhh! desperate times call for desperate measures!

Sheila said...

Oh Sis! LOL Send that to your local paper!! Also, try the carrier. He might like it better. You might have to try rocking him to sleep and ten into the carseat instead of the crib for a fast trip. Any sitters home in the day? (hugs)
I was lucky with both of mine at that age but James didn't like it when he got older and has thrown some huge fits in a few stores. Later you will just have to walk out, leaving said filled cart behind. You can always leave sleeping baby in bed with sleepy daddy and shop in the evenings. (hat's 20 minutes of alone time!)